AITAH for refusing to help pay my husband and I's moving costs?
My husband and I just had our first big fight.
For context, we've only been married 3 months. We've lived together for 4 years, and dated for 5. When we were dating/engaged, we split everything 50/50. Prior to the marriage, we did sign a prenup but had an open discussion about what finances will look like after we were married. We agreed not to act as if "what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours" and do plan to blend our finances eventually. Shared accounts, each other's names on assets, etc. But it's only been 3 months so we haven't begun any of that yet and are maintaining 50/50 for now.
Nothing is more triggering than issues of money. You can go years without running into conflict, and then the second a big expense comes up, things hit the fan. When you're talking about blending finances, that can mean a lot of things. It doesn't have the same meaning to everyone. It's how you implement that into practice that actually matters. But this couple was clearly running into some issues, and they didn't quite know what they could do about it. Keep scrolling to read more of the story.
For added context, there is a massive discrepancy between how much we make; I make about 50k, he makes over 200k. Hes fully aware of this, and sees no issue with he. He understands my career path will likely never lead to that kind of salary.
So queue the trigger for the fight. We're moving out of state next week for his job, for which they're giving him a massive moving bonus ($10,000). The idea, in his company's opinion, is that these funds be used for moving expenses. It's a simply cash payment on his first paycheck, he doesn't have to expense any receipts or anything. He booked the mover this morning and got a quote of about $5,000. When he told me this and I commented how great it is he's getting the moving bonus, he reminded me that I'm liable for half of it.
To me, it's understandable why the wife would be miffed at this. He was making way more money than she was, and his job was the thing that was forcing the move. Not to mention, they were paying for it out of their own coffers. It might be his money to spend, but it's also hers. Once you enter a marriage, it's on both of you to figure out how you're going to spend your joint earnings. The fact that he was insistently reminding her of it, too, seemed a little wrong. Shouldn't he just let it go? Keep scrolling for more, and then let us know what you thought about it in the comments below.
I was completely taken aback. We're moving for HIS job, a move his company is PAYING for. This moving bonus is specifically for moving costs, he's getting a completely SEPARATE signing bonus. When challenged, he said we're not spending the whole $10k so "what, do you think you can claim the rest of that too?". He says whatever we don't use of the moving bonus becomes extra to his signing bonus. And that we agreed to remain 50/50 for now and that I'm being selfish wanting to change that all of a sudden. He even said that he worries about our financial future together, if I would think I can "take ownership" of "his" money. In his anger, he even said he "should have listened to his friends who told him I was a gold digger".
I'm scared and hurt. He knows $2,500 is a lot for me right now, I think he's the one being selfish. That money is for moving costs, but it feels like he still sees us as individuals rather than a married whole.
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